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The Difference Between BDSM and Abuse

Illustration by Heather Benjamin. Sometimes a couple's interests don't totally match up. One of you likes model trains while the other would rather crochet sweaters for the cat; one partner aspires to trek the length of the Appalachian Trail while the other's idea of an ideal evening involves a large plate of barbecue, a half-ounce of high-quality weed, and a Fast and Furious marathon. This is all fine and relatively easy to sort out within the bounds of a healthy long-term relationship, but when the different interests are of a bedroom nature the negotiations can get complicated.

Do-It-Yourself BDSM Ideas & Fantasies

One of the most common misconceptions is that BDSM is dangerous, reckless, and abusive. However, when practiced properly, BDSM is very different than intimate partner abuse. Over the last few years, science has confirmed these claims. Recent studies have uncovered the many health benefits of BDSM. Researchers have found that those who engage in BDSM activities have better mental health, more satisfaction in their relationships, and less stress than their vanilla-sex counterparts. Research has found that those who engage in BDSM are more likely to respect the boundaries of their partner, and are less likely to cross the boundaries of personal safety. Even though studies show that BDSM clearly has positive benefits, many who look at these extreme behaviors from the outside perceive this type of sexual behavior as abusive, chaotic, and out of control.

How to Make Sex and Relationships Work When Only One of You Is Kinky

There's a fine art to introducing your new sex partner to your kinks. Showing up with an armful of paddles and chains without a word is more than likely to freak them or anyone the fuck out. Ian Kerner. Take it slow; no need to make them feel like they're in the middle of a Rihanna video the first time you start experimenting.

Takeaway: Celebrate this Valentine's Day by getting your kink on. You have tried the sex in every room of the house, watching porn together and sexting, and now you want more: Edgier! Forget Valentine's Day gifts like chocolate and even sex toys.